Always Real, Thinkin' Out Loud

Rebuilding, Redefining and Fancy Restaurants

My hard disk died a week or so ago.  I knew it was coming. It had been complaining loudly and moaning and groaning for quite some time and then one morning, it gave one last long gasp.  The skies went dark and the blue screen was torn in two.

And I didn’t even care. In fact, it was liberating. The death of my PC was a sweet release in a way.

I was cut off from my on-line world except for my iTouch — which is a good device for lurking to some degree, but not much for participating. That teeny tiny keypad is not very useful for 50-year-old eyes.

The fact of the matter is that for some time now, I’ve been feeling like Forrest Gump in that scene where he is jogging down the highway out in the desert with all those people following him and he just stops. He’s been running hard for five years and one day, he just stops.  He doesn’t really know why.  It just seems right.  He turns and tells all the people that he’s tired now and he’s going home.

That’s sort of how I’ve been feeling about blogging lately, just sort of called away, feeling like it’s time to slow down, be quiet, do something else, invest elsewhere.  I don’t plan to stop completely, I don’t think so anyway, but I’m going to take away some of the time and energy I give to this blog and invest it in my photography and elsewhere.  Is that called balance? I don’t know.

There’s probably a bit more to it than that, which I don’t fully understand, but I feel like I’ve entered a new season of life and I don’t know to what degree blogging fits in. We’ll just have to see.

So there’s that…

This morning Sean and AD were at the breakfast bar and for some reason we were talking about fancy restaurants and how they are different from the kind we frequent.

I told him fancy restaurants usually have table cloths, flowers and a waiter who brings you a menu.

Sean added, “And they usually have hang down lights at the table too.”

I said yes, that was often the case. I thought that was an interesting observation and tried to think of any fancy restaurants we might have taken him to where they had hang down lights (which in the design world we call pendant lighting) but I drew a blank.

“Just like at Panda Express!” he said.

I like the size of his world right now, where Panda Express with its hang down lights is a fancy restaurant.

42 thoughts on “Rebuilding, Redefining and Fancy Restaurants

  1. I have felt the same way about my world. Blogging is a good thing. I like to write and I like reading from others, but sometimes it robs me of other valuable things. I’m looking into the world of Red Cross and Disaster Volunteering. Who knows, maybe I can make a difference somewhere!

  2. We’ll all miss you if you quit. Erma Bombeck kept writting until she died! I know with Sean getting older you probably want to return to the professional world somewhat.

  3. I have about 7 readers of my blog and about two of them have asked where I’ve beeen lately. Your words described it perfectly. It’s as though my brain cannot make the connection to my fingers to put words to paper, so to speak.

    Panda Express? My daughter eats there a couple times a week, as long as her babysitting money holds out. It’s also the location of most of our mother-daughter nights. I will probably serve it at her (very simple) sweet sixteen party next month.

  4. I think all bloggers know the sensation of just wanting to stop. Some do. Some find new purpose.

    But if you stop, there will be a hole in the blogosphere. I only hope it doesn’t cause the universe to collapse.

  5. I agree with Kelly about a hole in the universe. I would beg you to not stop, but that would be selfish. You need to do what you need to do, but I still want to be your friend.

  6. I feel that way about blogging from time to time and so I just slow down at whatever pace I feel comfortable. I always feel sorry for those that are slaves to their blog. Where’s the fun in that.

  7. I hear you, AM.

    Recently, I have been thinking about the time commitment involved in maintaining a blog. Not just the physical time it takes to actually write a post, but all the time I spend pondering and mulling over a topic before I even begin to write. It can be a daunting task trying to keep fresh posts flowing week after week.

    If you decide to lay down the blog, you will be greatly missed. I have always enjoyed your insightful, humorous and thought-provoking posts.

    * * *
    I don’t expect that I will shut it down and walk away altogether but I’m not going to write nearly every day like I have for the past several years. I love writing, but photography is my new boyfriend.

  8. The years go by so fast with a child; I know you don’t want to miss a thing. You need to do what’s right for you and your family, I’d hate to not read your wise words any longer, but I’ve also often wondered about blogging…I’ve never had the urge. Seems like a lot of pressure to come up with great topics so often.

  9. I would miss you tremendously… Of course, it is selfish to hope you continue if it is not right for you. I’d be willing to give you a little break now and then, if that would help:)

  10. You will definitely, definitely be missed! But I say a blog is a faithful friend, even if we artistic types bump into a fresh new medium we want to flirt with. Your blog is always here, grateful you’re sharing your thoughts, ideas, and observations. As are your fans. 🙂

    Go live. Enjoy! We might not necessarily be simply waiting here when you come back, but hopefully inspired to do the same thing. Many blessings! (I’m personally still keeping you on my blog roll.) 🙂

  11. I took a break from blogging last year, and then during some time in the hospital, realized I missed it and it was important to me to articulate my ideas (even to a limited audience) about the things that are on my mind.

    In any case, I miss your musings, and if we didn’t live so far apart, I’d be inviting you out for coffee. But there ya go. Good luck finding the right path. And let me know if you come to NYC and have a free hour and a half.

  12. I think all of us “bloggers” have felt this way…and that is ok…but it would be nice to have you drop in from time to time…don’t want to miss out on that sweetie boy and his “comments”… you take care and be good…God Bless…hugs…Ora in KY

  13. My reader hasn’t been as dear or enlightening or read-worthy, so I can selfishly hope that you write when you feel like it. You have made a positive difference, and I’ll look forward to whatever you feel like writing. Are you going to share your photography somewhere else? If so, please advise….if you take it, we will follow 😉

  14. I will miss you, too, AM. But I certainly understand and support your need and desire to lay down the blog for a while. I think it’s a healthy thing to do — and necessary, when you have a creative mind, to shake things up and move in new and ever expanding directions. Bless you and your sweet kingdom! I’ll be checking back every so often to see what’s blossoming….

  15. I kind of think I know where you are coming from. I turned 50 last July and leading up to it I would wake up in the middle of the night with a picture of a very, very old wrinkled white haired lady in my head and I felt like that was my next stop. It gave me some anxiety. Now that I have hit and passed the milestone I’m not feeling as anxious, but I do feel like I am re-evaluating everything. Kind of like, “Dude, you are at least half way done here–are you doing what you want?” It really makes me conscious of how I spend my time and what things are worth it. I still find myself in front of the computer a lot though . . . it is good to hear from you! Hope you keep checking back!!

  16. I must say I will miss you terribly. I so enjoy your life story and wisdom. However, I totally understand the idea of taking a new path in life. Just wanted you to know I would miss you and will continue to check in once in awhile to see if you have left us any words of kindness, compassion and wisdom.
    Thanks so much for giving so much of your time to us.

  17. I totally understand about giving it a rest. I haven’t been very consistant at it lately either. But don’t forget we are supposed to me in July! And the Panda Express comment is priceless. My youngest told my husband today that when the new Churches Fried Chicken opens up that we could eat “Tucky Confried Chicken” everyday so we don’t have to cook!

  18. Well, I’d be sad to lose you if you quit, but I’d understand. I often stop posting and get off the web for a couple of days, or a couple of weeks, and life goes on… It’s nice to unplug. Specially in Spring!

  19. Everyday posting is rough. I understand if you want to cut back somewhat.

    Notice I said “cut back”, not “go away forever”. If you were to go away forever, I would miss you terribly and then probably show up unannounced on your doorstep one day, and you’d be all, “Hello…random stranger”, and I’d be all, “AM I LOVE YOU!” and then you’d be all, “You’re violating the terms of the restraining order! Step back before I call the police!” and I’d be all, “BUT I MISS YOUUUUUUU!” and then we’d all end up on an episode of Cops, me being hog-tied in the back of a police cruiser, and you telling the cameras, “It all started when I decided to quit blogging…”

    I think we can all agree that none of us want that.

    Anyway, Good luck in your endeavors and I’ll keep you in my reader for when you do decide to pop in with some wonderful tidbit.

    * * *
    You crack me up!

    Oddly enough, when one dares to post about their lack of blogging mojo, one (meaning me) gets unsubscribe notices by the buckets. Which doesn’t inspire mojo.

    Yes, keep me in your reader because I’ll be here from time to time. Although I would love for you to stop by!

  20. I was so glad to see you’d posted today, but totally understand the idea of doing other things. Lately, I don’t feel like I have much to say and just how many times can I come on and say ‘hi, I got nothin’? Not very often. LOL

    But I will enjoy it when you do grace us with a wonderful post. I’ll savor it like salt at the bottom of the popcorn bowl. 🙂

  21. Oh,please don’t quit completely! I’m not even sure how I stumble upon your blog, but I’ve enjoyed your journey. Have fun with that little man of yours!

  22. While I will, and have, missed your unique point of view, I do understand. I have been stepping away from the computer in general quite a bit lately. I’m just not sure I’m getting all I want or need from the internet at large. I’ve been focusing what little time I spend on the computer now to those with whom I have a real relationship. While I’m not sure what it means, I think that times are changing.

  23. I’ll miss the near-daily entries, but it isn’t all about ME. I can easily understand wanting to blog in order to record experiences, vent, generally reach out . . but once it starts to feel like an obligation, that sucks the fun right out of it. An AM’s gotta do what an AM’s gotta do! 😉

  24. I too will miss your posts … but understand. I kept a blog for about a year and my grown up kids were my biggest fans. This past Christmas I had the blog made into a book and gave it to them as a Christmas present. It turned out to be an awesome keepsake and I felt the work I put into the blog was preserved. The website I used was blog2print. I think your blog would make an amazing book for Sean to always have and to hold.

  25. I understand that you want to do other things BUT>>>>>How about A.D. or that wonderful little boy who is growing up right in front of our eyes.He could tell you what to write. I think between the three of you you could get something here every few days . Just a thought…..

  26. As has been the case so very often, you have once again verbalized my life for me. I am not a blogger, but I have taken what has turned out to be more than a year-long sabbatical from some significant output that I had been doing for the last 10-20 yrs…for the same reasons you describe. For whatever it’s worth: I get it.

    (And interestingly enough, I am investing more time than ever in my photography as well.)

    Seeing as how you’ve only pushed the pause button, I won’t say “Farewell.” But, I want to take the opportunity to thank you for all you have contributed to my life thus far; it has been much.

  27. Like the others, I understand your desire for a break. However, know that I will miss you terribly! I so appreciate your wisdom and sense of humor.

  28. Looking forward to your reflections and photos in the future! Enjoy your time with your litte boy and takes lots and lots of pictures of him!

  29. Oh my goodness, AM, I guess perhaps this wasn’t the best day to discover and fall in love with your blog! I don’t have the same relationship with you that your obviously loyal readers do, so I have no qualms about being selfish and stating, simply: DON’T! I just got here!

    I not only love your writing and unique take on life, but, like you, I am an antique mommy, 43 with a 10-month-old and probably moving along a similar path as you did on your way to 50. I also began blogging just last week, so stumbling upon this treasure was surely kismet: someone who has gone before and done it well [in motherhood, life, and blogging], a trailblazer in this blogosphere frontier.

    I do hope you’ll continue to post at least occasionally, and I will continue to watch. And, of course, I’ll be knee-deep in your archives! =D

  30. Being on the cusp of 50 myself, I get it. Cusp meaning next week.

    There is distinct shift in my priorities, interests and goals. I also seem vacillate between wanting solitude and society. Activity and rest. More extremes if you will.

    I am enjoying this time, as I hope you are. It is an adventure.

  31. Our monitor died last week. After the initial frustration, I thought perhaps it was a good opportunity to kick my blogging habit, and was beginning to see it as a blessing in disguise. Then I phoned the helpdesk at Dell, and they did a test or two to confirm that the thing really was dead. They dispatched a new one straightaway, and we had it within two days. The new monitor is a blessing not in disguise.

    You are more worthy than me (or maybe just in a different phase).

  32. Hello, friend. . .you CANNOT go away forever, because then we would miss lovely moments like the Nikon one in your next post. . .and that was one GREAT catastrophically snapped photo. I love my Nikon too–and you. 🙂

  33. Before I was a blogger, I follwed you via email. I loved the idea of recording moments of children’s lives to look back on later. I enjoy your writing immensely and always find something to ponder.

    I also really enjoy the photograhy and camera tips you have been giving lately. Really useful.

    Thanks for not quitting totally. I look forward to hearing your next thoughts

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