Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

How To Market Pantyhose

So a Sunday or two back, because it was cold, I pulled on a pair of tights to wear with a wool skirt.  I normally wear pants to church when it’s cold.  And by pants I mean slacks, not jeans.  I am not a wear-jeans-to-church kind of gal, but if you are that’s okay, not that there’s anything wrong with it, judge not, yada yada, whatever.  But for some reason I thought I would wear a skirt even though it was near freezing.

Sidebar:  Sean really likes it when I wear a skirt or a dress, perhaps because it is so seldom.  I have a few strapless sparkly cocktail dresses left over from back in the day and he’ll often pull one of those out and suggest I wear it to church.  One time in pre-K, for a Mother’s Day project, he was supposed to draw a picture of me and then write a sentence about me.  His sentence was “My mom has a lot of fancy skirts.”  I have one fancy-ish skirt.

Yet Another Sidebar: Okay, here’s a new trend I have observed that puzzles me – bare legs all the time, even when it is seriously cold outside.  In the summer when it’s warm, I like to wear a skirt with sandals.  That makes sense.  But when it is below, say 75?  I do NOT want the icy wind howling up the antique gams.  Not only because it’s uncomfortably cold but because blue goose-bumpy legs are not attractive.  But then again, I was a young gal in the 70’s and 80’s and owned approximately 3,825 pairs of L’eggs.  I am a product of the panty-hose generation.  Even if I had really great legs, which I do not, I would not go bare-legged with spike heels and a pencil skirt in January.

So, on this particular cold Sunday, as we were heading out the door for church — me in my plaid wool skirt, turtle neck, Mary Janes and black tights (can’t you just picture the sexiness?)  Sean is walking behind me and makes a funny little cat-call whistle sound – woot-WOOoooh! – (because he can’t actually whistle) and says, “Mom! I reeeeally like those high heel socks!”

And I chuckled because high heel socks sounds so much more sexy than control-top tights.

Perhaps that’s how we could bring back pantyhose  – we could call them high heel socks.

22 thoughts on “How To Market Pantyhose

  1. Urgh, I don’t wana bring back pantyhose! I had to wear them in the 70s and 80s and couldn’t stand how they make my legs feel, I’d rather freeze.

    Though fuzzy winter tights are OK.

    I’d much rather bring back longer skirts instead, where nobody can see my legs and I don’t have to worry about every stray gust or the potential views people sitting across from me might have. 😀

  2. What a Boy! Gotta be about the happiest mom out there, just because of the way he thinks and the things he says. I love it, and he’s not even mine!

    Sidebar-I noticed while Christmas shopping that there are womens tights in every form this year. I think I saw sweater cables, plain knitts, patterned knits of all kinds! I was surprised, since I don’t keep up with fashion, and wanted to buy some. But since I don’t wear dresses in the winter I couldn’t convince myself to waste the money. I’m happy with that decission…most of the time. All that being said I do live a bit more north than you…southern Maryland…and it does get cold here, often for weeks on end.

  3. I miss those days when my boy was Sean’s age. Personally I think you ought to call L’Eggs and see if they can stage a come-back with a new line of sexy, high-heeled socks.

    It could work.

  4. They do that here too! (bare legs in winter) And it gets dang cold here in Minnesota! Don’t ya just love it when your little guy thinks you look great!? It melts my heart when my youngest tells me I look pretty. I don’t get to hear that often anymore! Now you know how to dress to impress! 🙂

  5. I remember my toddler picking at my legs when I was wearing skin-tone pantyhose once. He couldn’t believe it wasn’t my skin, but he also couldn’t work out how – if it was my skin – he could pick it up between his tiny finger and thumb. (I too am not a frequent skirt-wearer, so he hadn’t often seen pantyhose – perhaps it was the first time he had.)

    Women’s clothes. A mystery to men from the cradle to the grave.

  6. Way to go Sean! I REALLY don’t want pantyhose to make a come-back. During my working days on a plane, they were hot, gross, and down right miserable!

  7. I’m still trying to imagine that 75 is cold. Come to NJ, we have 20″ of fresh snow and negative numbers with the wind chill.

  8. Oh, I can hear it, too. I’m with you — can’t stand the look or feel of my naked legs in the winter. And I need Sean cat-calling me in my high-heel socks every Sunday to remind me of my Oooh-La-La factor. 🙂 Love that guy!

  9. Pantyhose feel all creepy crawly on me. I’m glad they aren’t so popular anymore. I haven’t gotten onto the tights wagon yet though. I just wear pants. *yawn* I know!

    And I totally agree….bare, cold legs just are not attractive in any way. And I just don’t want to be that cold.

  10. The part of it that I can’t reconcile when I have tried to dress up without hose: Wearing pumps or other dress shoes with bare feet! I end up with blisters. Am I missing some trick of the trade here?

  11. Love the words that kids come up with for things, high heel socks indeed! My son, 8 years, asked me how I got my fake skin on when I was wearing pantyhose and a dress! I do not wear them often either and I guess he has never seen me in them. Treasures to store in our hearts, these boys!

  12. I was in the store the other day and saw that leg warmers had come back. (You know, the things that started with ballet dancers but then everybody ended up wearing in the 80’s after seeing Dirty Dancing?) Well they’re baaaaaaack! I am not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, it’d be nice to have warm legs without having to resort to hose or tights (I am a chronic sufferer of crotch-slides-down-to-knee-level-itis whenever I try to wear something like that), but on the otherhand …they’re leg warmers. I feel like I should sport neon socks and tease my bangs.

  13. Oh that child cracks me up! I love it when little boys are sweet on their moms 🙂
    Here in Oregon, where it is NOWHERE near 75 (it is about 40), people are running around in shorts and tank tops. It makes me really cross actually. ENJOY the cold! EMBRACE it! We don’t get much summer here, after all, and I think we should save our summer clothing for then.
    Now I need to go yell at some kids to get off my lawn or something. 😉

  14. I’m from the pantyhose school too. Bare legs just don’t belong in some places—my thinking. Problem is these days, I can’t find shades that look good with my outfits. There is so little too choose from now, because stores aren’t stocking them (No pun intended–well,maybe), because people aren’t buying. But what about us poor women who need to hide our not-so-pretty legs and still look good?

  15. I’m from the pantyhose school too. Bare legs just don’t belong in some places—my thinking. Problem is these days, I can’t find shades that look good with my outfits. There is so little to choose from now, because stores aren’t stocking them (No pun intended–well,maybe), because people aren’t buying. But what about us poor women who need to hide our not-so-pretty legs and still look good?

  16. Wow, I think I would like to be able to wear some high heeled socks about now. Where I live the next three days are expected to be 40+ degrees and that’s celcius.
    Your stories about your son are highly entertaining.

    Cheers, Fi

  17. Please ladies….Pantyhose are so sexy and should be worn regulary. Bare legs are just wrong…And leggs Pantyhose are the best. Bring back the 80’s!!!

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