So mom, do you know what you’re getting for Christmas?

I’m getting something for Christmas!? Wow, I’m so excited!

Do you know what it is?

No, I have no idea.

Guess.

I don’t want to guess.

Just guess.

Okay……. I have no idea.

Want me to give you a hint?

No, I think I’d like to be surprised.

Okay I’ll give you just one hint.

No really I think I’d like to be surprised.

Okay, it’s something that you wear.

Something that you wear.  Hmmm…. Deodorant?

Mom.

Earrings?

No.

Um, I have no idea.

Okay, here’s another hint.

I don’t want another hint, I want to be surprised.

You wear it in the morning.

It starts with R.

And it also has an O and a B in it.

R. O. B.  I’m getting a Rob! Awesome! I hope he’s cute and can run errands for me.

The turkey is not even on the table yet and most of us are already thinking about Christmas.  For the past week or more, the retailers have been relentless in reminding us about Black Friday, the high holy day of materialism.  Getting up at dark thirty and going to a crazy crowded store and fighting over the “it” toy of the season is just not my thing. If it is yours, please have at it. Have my share. Enjoy.

Yesterday Sean and I were at the grocery store and we ran into a friend of ours.  As we chatted, she mentioned that she had all of her Christmas shopping done for her children except for the big things.  Without thinking, I said “I don’t think there will be any big things under our tree this year.”

That was a really dumb thing to say.

I didn’t really mean to say it out loud.  I probably made her feel badly for saying it, which was not my intention.  Her statement was completely innocuous and nearly everyone I know utters that sentence sooner or later during the holidays.

But the fact of the matter is, there will not be big things under our Christmas tree this year — partly out of necessity and partly out of design.

And in an odd sort of way the necessity facilitates the design.  In an odd sort of way the tremendous love we have for our boy inspires in us a desire to give him more than is good for him. In an odd sort of way having less than he wants will make him more.  In an odd sort of way,  in the dearth of excess there is abundance and in excess there is emptiness. And all of these things conflict, confuse and claw at the heart.

Earlier in the year, we read the entire Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House series with Sean.  We loved the books, but in many places they were hard to read. Laura’s life was charming and simple, but not at all easy.

There was one winter in particular where her family faced the very real possibility of either freezing or starving to death.  It seemed only a matter of which would come first.  What has been wonderful about reading the Little House stories with Sean is that he can then look around and see his nice warm house with a full pantry and see how blessed he is.  He is able to come to this conclusion on his own which is much more effective than his parents haranguing at him, “You don’t know how good you have it. You have everything. You should be grateful. Blah. Blah. Grateful. Blah.”

In one of the Little House books, it is Christmastime and it has been a typically challenging winter.  Laura and her sister are expecting nothing, certainly nothing big, but on Christmas morning they each receive a tin cup, a peppermint, a little heart-shaped cake Ma had made, and a penny. And the only reason they got those things is because a neighbor risked his life to get across an icy river to bring it to them.

There was such beauty in that scene – in the selflessness of the neighbor, in the absence of expectation and entitlement, in the smallness of the gifts, in the delight of the children.  I have since wondered if we don’t deny ourselves that beauty in our quest for big things.

So this year there will be some nice things for Sean under our tree, if not big things.

But also this year, and every year after, there will be a box with a tin cup, little heart-shaped cake, a peppermint and a penny.

Skinny Jeans. In my ill-informed fashion opinion, skinny jeans are for skinny people — tall, long-legged, skinny people. I’ve never been tall or long-legged and I’m no longer skinny. I’m guessing there are probably only two other people besides Heidi Klum who should be wearing skinny jeans. Oprah and I are not those two people.

Leggings. See above. I bought leggings the first time around and I’m not falling for that again.

A shrug.  For one thing, it’s a sweater, and it’s not even a whole sweater.  It’s like 1/3 of a sweater.  It’s like the thong of the sweater world — another prank played upon women by the fashion industry.

Any sweater or sweatshirt that has little bells sewn to the front.

Anything from Victoria’s Secret.  I do not want to open a pair of cashmere undies in front of my father-in-law and then have to exclaim, “Oh! It’s just what I wanted! It’s just my size!  I can’t wait to try these on!” And if I won’t dry clean a sweater, I certainly am not going to dry clean undies.

Fashion boots – is that what they are even called?  The kind that go up to your knee and have 3-inch heels?  You can have my share of fashion boots and I’ll admire yours.  I’m pretty sure just the fact that I’m using the term “fashion boots” means I shouldn’t be allowed to own a pair.  I’ll stick to my cowboy boots and hiking boots while I anxiously await the return of flip flop season.

Adult footsie pajamas.

Toe socks.

Uggs — aptly named because they are UGGly. I would never put those on my feet unless I was stranded in the Alaskan wilderness. And only then, not because they would keep me warm, but because they are so ugly even a hungry bear would turn away.

Diamond earrings – I would lose one before the end of the day and then I would have to feel badly about that and I’m opposed to feeling badly.

Make-up kits that have 25 different eye shadows.

Because I am a positive and upbeat person, I will leave you with one fashion item I would like for Christmas. I would like to have a new chenille bathrobe as my current one has bald patches and leaves a trail of pink fuzz everywhere I go.

* * *

So then tell me, what is one fashion item you would not like to get for Christmas (or the winter holiday of your choice) and one that you would.

I’ve never owned a Christmas sweater. I’ve always felt like maybe I should have one. On several occasions I’ve even carried one around the store.  But I just can’t seem to take the plunge.  Just seems like too big of a commitment.

As well, I’ve never owned a pair of Christmas earrings, little dangling bulbs or ornaments or whatever.  I guess I’m not all about festive after all.

The red turtleneck is my standard holiday party outfit.

I’ve always wanted some nice Christmas china but never wanted to spend the big bucks on it or spend a lifetime collecting it.  Since it’s unlikely that I would inherit or win a set in a raffle, about 10 years ago I bought four boxes of $20/box  Christmas “china” and I love it.  We use it all through December. It makes every meal of the season a little brighter and the best part? I worry not one bit about breaking it.

See how festive a reindeer pancake can look on cheap Christmas china – does that not just scream Joyeux Noel y’all? It does, you know it does.

The best thing I ever did was buy a 6ft pre-lit tree for $30 at Target for Sean when he was three. It’s his tree. He’s got a box of soft and unbreakable ornaments and he can decorate and undecorated it to his heart’s content all season long.  He can put all the ornaments on one branch and I will not twitch nor will I flinch.  He can even pull it over on himself and no harm done. This $30 tree has ratcheted down the freak out level around here substantially.

I hate wrapping gifts. I have not bought wrapping paper in 15 years.  I love the gift bag – the bag that keeps on giving gifts.  Economic, easy, re-useable and no tape.

However, I love ribbon and can’t seem to stop myself from buying it.

I took four years of piano lessons in my early 30s just so that I could play Christmas songs. I’m not very good, but I enjoy it immensely, even if no one else does.

I don’t like to sing, but I love to sing Christmas songs.  I enjoy it immensely, even if no one else does.

I do not like Christmas shopping.  Truthfully, I don’t like the gifts part of Christmas.  The only time gift giving is not awkward to me is when it is spontaneous and not reciprocal.

My favorite memory of Christmas from when I was a child was going to Midnight Mass with my Godparents and coming home to drink hot chocolate and eat pizelles.

Three things always on my Christmas list:  inexpensive earrings, a tree ornament, books (art/photography books, poetry, cookbooks are my favorites).

The first year we were married, I warned AD to never buy me anything for Christmas that plugs in. Over the years, my stance on appliances has changed. I wouldn’t mind having a power washer.

When I was about five, I got a red velvet dress and a white rabbit fur muff for Christmas.  I only remember one or two other Christmas gifts which confirms my theory that sweating over finding the perfect gift is a waste of energy. Chances are you don’t even remember what you got for Christmas by the next day, let alone the year before.

On December 26^th, I will be itching to box it all up and get back to routine. On January 2^nd AD and I will have our annual fight about when the boxing up should occur.  He will lobby for a day in March.  On January 3^rd, he will concede.

Sean was due on Christmas day. He is by far the best gift of my entire life, because indeed, every good and perfect gift is from above.

* * * *

If you’ve made it this far, tell me some random holiday factoid about yourself.

One day last week, Sean and I spent the afternoon putting up Christmas decorations.  I used to really enjoy decking the halls, but I have come to a point in life where it seems to be more work than fun.

As I root through box after box of stuff, I wonder if hanging fake glittery stuff on a fake tree only to be removed and boxed up again in 30 days is a good use of my time and energy, both of which seem to be in short supply these days.  Sparkle and glitter and garland is not really what the season is about after all.

But then I look at my little five-year-old boyfriend who is totally into Christmas and the decorating and how he is thrilled with each ornament, even the cruddy ones. I realize then that it’s worth it because one day too soon he will be too busy or too cool to spend an afternoon decorating for Christmas with his mama.  And oh how I will rue the day.

That thought however did not stop me from lying down on the living room floor in an attempt to stave off that spinning sensation of being overwhelmed that often comes with the holidays but this year seems to be magnified in light of the economy and world and personal events.

As I lay there on the floor trying to create some order in my mind so that I might create some order in my life, Sean wanders over and straddles me with his hands on his hips.  I feel like the worker who has been caught napping in the janitor’s closet.  He  plops down on my tummy.  He leans over and looks me square in the face.  He searches my face with a furrowed brow, lips pursed in concern.  I’m afraid that he knows, that I’ve not done a good job of keeping my adult worries and cynicism to myself.

“Mom?” he asks as he leans over me.

“Yes?” I say, bracing myself.

“Did you know that you have farkles on your face?”

He draws his face closely into mine and like a surgeon,  he ever so delicately plucks a dot of glitter from my cheek.

“See?” he says, holding his be-glittered finger one inch from my eyeball, “Farkles!”

He jumps up, ready to keep going.

“C’mon mom, let’s keep decorating!” he cries with glee as he tugs on my arm.

This boy, he is good medicine for a bad attitude.

I decide that for him, that I would do a better job of at least pretending to find joy in the fake and sparkly, that I would be careful not spoil these few precious years in his life when the world is small and uncomplicated and magical.

So for now, for the boy, my attitude shall be like my tree — fake and sparkly.  And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Welcome to Antique Mommy’s Homemade~Handmade Holiday Carnival featuring the best in hand crafted holiday gifts and decorations from around the world wide web!

* * * * *

Today I have for you two super simple projects that can be used as ornaments or as package decorations.

For many of us, budget friendly is the operative word this holiday season.  Most of the stuff you’ll need for these two projects, you probably already have around the house or can pick up at your local craft store for just a dollar or two.

My first project is a bird nest.  I love to see a charming little bird nest hidden away among the boughs of a Christmas tree. I recently read that in Germany, placing a bird nest in a Christmas tree is suppose to bring a prosperous new year, so I say load’er up! We need some prosperity around here!

When Sean and I were at the park the other day, we found some little pods that had fallen off a tree and he suggested that they look like bird nests so we took them home and went to town making bird nests.

Here are two examples of what we made:

If you would like to make some of these, here’s what you need:  pods, Spanish moss, tiny plastic eggs and tiny birds (you can find these in the floral department), other greenery if you like, and a hot glue gun.

If you can work a hot glue gun, you can make one of these little bird nests. First I ran the pods under cold water to get off the dirt and bugs and whatever else might be lurking therein and then let them dry.

Then, using my trusty Thermogrip 208, I put a dab of hot glue in the bottom of the pod. Then I took some Spanish moss and rolled it up into a little ball and stuffed it into the center.  After that, I hot glued on a few little eggs and a tiny bird.  A tiny piece of holly or ivy would be a nice touch. But basically, that’s it.  If it were much harder than that, I wouldn’t do it.

Tuck this little nest somewhere among your holiday greenery and sit back and wait for prosperity to blow the doors down.

* * * *

The next ornament, a tiny jute wreath, is one that has a decidedly Southwestern flavor and one that I used to make many seasons ago.

Here’s what you will need:  heavy jute (you can even get this at the grocery store), little chili peppers, ribbon, other holiday greenery, a hot glue gun and a pair of scissors. I’ve used a bandanna print ribbon in the past which I think is a lot cuter, but I couldn’t find any this year, so I went with red and green gingham checked ribbon instead and it works fine.

Take a length of the jute and make two circles leaving an inch or two of slack at either end. Pinch at the top, as shown below and hot glue together at the top.

Make a small garland from the chili peppers and greenery (appropriate in size to the wreath) and hot glue that at the top of the circle.

Cut a length of ribbon and tie around the top of the circle into a festive bow to hide the garland stems and any hot glue.  Add a small bird at the bottom. Or not. Give each one it’s own personality.

* * *

Handmade Homemade Holiday Participants

Powered by… Mister Linky’s Magical Widgets.

This morning, I will remove the giant electric pumpkin from the front porch marking the descent into Holiday Madness.

Today I will start thinking about Thanksgiving plans, where to go, what to eat. And before Thanksgiving is over, I’ll begin planning Christmas, what to bake and what to buy, and how to manage all the expectations.

And the leaves on my tree haven’t even begun to change color.

I think I’ll leave that big electric pumpkin on my porch for a few more days.

Hello everyone and welcome to the House of Antique.    Thank you for joining me on Boo Mama’s Christmas Tour of Homes.  Let me show you around.

First of all, something old. You may remember this guy from a post from last year, Sitting Santa $1.39.  He is always the first thing I unwrap and put out every holiday season and the last thing I put away. He’s my favorite, but don’t tell the other decorations. We don’t want a holiday brouhaha on our hands.

* * *

Below is my favorite tree ornament, this sweet little baby boy sleeping on the moon.  One of the first Christmas seasons I spent in Texas back in the early 80s, I spent alone because I couldn’t afford to go home and my parents, who worked at the time, couldn’t get time off to travel to come see me.

That year I purchased this little guy at Michael’s.  He was one of those paint-it-yourself ceramic ornaments and so that’s what I did, even though I didn’t have a tree. That was the year my oldest nephew was born and now he is a grown man with two children of his own.  Sean has also claimed it as his favorite ornament.  I never dreamed when I was painting it that I would one day have a little boy of my own.

* * *

One year my mother and I found ourselves in Macy’s at closing time on Christmas Eve.  They were marking down things like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t know why we bought these sheep except for that they were marked down like you wouldn’t believe. When you turn them upside down they “baaaaah!” I used to torment the dog with them back when I  had a dog.  Makes me miss my dog.

* * *

My mom bought me this nativity set about 15 years ago and my dad made me the manger to go with it. It’s a favorite thing that hopefully Sean will have in his own home some day.

* * *

I don’t know why I love this yellow Santa so much, but I do.  He’s quirky and I like quirky. He always sits front and center on the mantle. I bought him one year at the Lord & Taylor at the local mall which sadly no longer exists.

* * *

This year my breakfast room and den tree are done in apples and other child friendliness. This wreath hangs on an old antique window frame that is propped up behind a small chest that I found in an antique store in downtown Tuna. Hidden in the wreath are two santas that are hanging on for dear life.

They are supposed to hang from tapers, but I tucked them in the wreath as a suprise for anyone who takes the time to look.

* * *

The penguins are new this year – Hancock Fabrics 50% off sale. You can probably get some of your very own if you hurry.  And can one’s halls really be properly decked without a pair of resin penguins? I think not.

* * *

Merry Christmas y’all!  Now hurry back to Boo Mama’s for more fabulous home tourage.  I think she is about to put out the dip and Wassail.

I’m decking my halls y’all and working on my tree and spreadin’ the sparkly, so today I leave you with this post from December of 2005.

* * * * *

It is December 3rd, 2005 in the year of our Lord, and I am kicking off the season that celebrates His birth by standing on the top step of an 8-foot-ladder, where there is a sticker that reads “Only An Idiot Would Stand Here.” And for those idiots who can’t read, this point is illustrated with a picture of a stick man falling to his death.  Let’s bow our heads and have a moment of silence for the stick man. 

So then.

This Norman Rockwell scene is made even more ridiculous by the fact that it’s 80 degrees outside. I am wearing a tank top, shorts and flip flops and I’m sweating bullets as I try to coax, cajole and contort sparkly wired ribbon into appearing as though it fell effortlessly and naturally from heaven into cascading spirals onto my big fake tree. The thought that I might rather be doing something else, like flossing my teeth with an ornament hanger, crosses my mind.

Why oh why do I do this? Because it’s our tradition.

Two years ago, Sean was due on Christmas day he but came six weeks early. Needless to say, after a C-section and then the stress of having a baby in the NICU followed by the marathon sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn in the house, I was in no position/mood/state of consciousness to get on a ladder and put up a tree. My sister-in-law, Terrye, who is the nicest woman on the entire earth, came to my house and put up my tree that year, and it was never more beautiful. There were many nights that first Christmas season that Sean and the dog and I got up for 2am feedings and then snuggled together under the glow of the Christmas tree afterwards. I remember watching him sleep and trying to memorize his face as it looked bathed in Christmas light. I would bend my ear down low and listen to him breathe, amazed at what a miraculous thing that life is. Those are special memories for me. Those are memories I wouldn’t have had if it were not for Terrye putting up my tree.

Last year I was recovering from thyroid cancer but I managed to put up a tree and all the trimmings anyway. Having been surgically relieved of my thyroid, I had the energy (and appearance) of a three-toed sloth, but it seemed important to maintain a sense of normalcy, which in December means doing too much, spending too much, eating too much and putting up a tree. But again, there were many nights last December when Antique Daddy and I just sat in silence on the sofa with a sleeping boy in our arms watching the lights twinkle on the tree. We didn’t have to look much beyond our noses to find blessings to count.

So this year, once again, I am risking my life on a ladder to put up a tree because willful and wanton violation of OSHA standards is our tradition. And I am complaining the whole way because that is part of the tradition too. I know that my little family will make precious Christmas memories in the shadow and light of this tree in the coming days of December that I will store up and treasure in my heart long after the season has passed.

 And for that I would stand on anything.

I wrote this last year? No? Okay then! Enjoy!

* * *

The Tree

It is December 3rd, 2005 in the year of our Lord, and I am kicking off the season that celebrates His birth by standing on the top step of an 8-foot-ladder, where there is a sticker that reads “Only An Idiot Would Stand Here.” And for those idiots who can’t read, this point is illustrated with a picture of a stick man falling to his death.

This Norman Rockwell scene is made even more ridiculous by the fact that it’s 80 degrees outside. I am wearing a tank top, shorts and suede flip flops (suede because it’s after Labor Day) and I’m sweating bullets as I try to coax, cajole and contort sparkly wired ribbon into appearing as though it fell effortlessly and naturally from heaven into cascading spirals onto my big fake tree. The thought that I might rather be doing something else, like flossing my teeth with an ornament hanger, crosses my mind. Why oh why do I do this? Because it’s our tradition.

Two years ago, Sean was due on Christmas day he but came six weeks early. Needless to say, after a C-section and then the stress of having a baby in the NICU followed by the marathon sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn in the house, I was in no position/mood/state of consciousness to get on a ladder and put up a tree. My sister-in-law, Terrye, who is the nicest woman on the entire earth, came to my house and put up my tree that year, and it was never more beautiful.

There were many nights that first Christmas season that Sean and the dog and I got up for 2am feedings and then snuggled together under the glow of the Christmas tree afterwards. I remember watching him sleep and trying to memorize his face as it looked bathed in Christmas light. I would bend my ear down low and listen to him breathe, amazed at what a miraculous thing that life is. Those are special memories for me. Those are memories I wouldn’t have had if it were not for Terrye putting up my tree.

Last year I was recovering from thyroid cancer but I managed to put up a tree and all the trimmings anyway. Having been surgically relieved of my thyroid, I had the energy (and appearance) of a Three-Toed Sloth, but it seemed important to maintain a sense of normalcy, which in December means doing too much, spending too much, eating too much and putting up a tree. But again, there were many nights last December when Antique Daddy and I just sat in silence on the sofa with a sleeping boy in our arms watching the lights twinkle on the tree. We didn’t have to look much beyond our noses to find blessings to count.

So this year, once again, I am risking my life on a ladder to put up a tree because willful and wanton violation of OSHA standards is our tradition. And I am complaining the whole way because that is part of the tradition too. I know that my little family will make precious Christmas memories in the shadow and light of this tree in the coming days of December that I will store up and treasure in my heart long after the season has passed.

And for that I would stand on anything.