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  • I Am A Mother…

    November 21, 2008

    Phillip Done begins the first chapter of his book 32 Third Graders and One Class Bunny with a list that begins, “I am a teacher…”  As I read through that list wherein he describes all the things he does in the name of teaching, I thought to myself that Phillip would make a very good mother.  And so, I’m totally ripping off honoring his marvelous idea and presenting you with a list of my own:

    I am a mother.  I eat the broken cookies.  I have someone else’s boogers on my sleeve.  I laugh convincingly at knock knock jokes.  I have eyes in the back of my head.  I carry Purell and band-aids in my purse.  I jump up approximately 22 times during every meal to get something.  I kick the annoying toys under the sofa.   Dr. Seuss gives me a headache.  I would rip the head off of a bear or a bully to protect my child.  I am a mother.

    If you leave a comment adding your own description of motherhood, I will randomly choose one lucky commenter at the end of the day to win one of Mr. Done’s books, autographed by the author himself — which let me tell you, will be a perfect holiday gift for any teacher in your life.  Now I haven’t exactly asked Mr. Done if he will go along with this, but he’s super nice so I think he will. And if not? Then I will send you my copy of his book autographed by me.

    * * * *

    Philip says he’s in! An autographed book for one lucky commenter!

    * * * *

    Winner! AggieMa Michelle – Congratulations girl! Your autographed and inscribed book is on the way!

    Shorty

    June 13, 2008

    I recently received an email offering me samples of Rubik’s Revolution, an electronic version of the Rubik’s Cube as well as an electronic pocket-sized version of the popular game show Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? I told them not to send the Rubick’s Cube because I am in still in therapy from when it came out the first time in the 80s.  Between the Rubiks Cube and Pac Man, the 80s were really stressful for me.  I am not wired to do those kinds of things.

    But! I love the game show Jeopardy! and so I figured I would like the Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? game. And I do, even though I am not.  I’m not even smarter than my 4-year-old most of the time.

    If you think you would like to have one of these little gadgets and have a US mailing address, leave a comment on this post before midnight on Sunday, telling me your dad’s first name (or your favorite dad-type person) and some fun factoid about him.  I’ll randomly select a winner or just whomever I like the best.  KIDDING! I’m just messin’ with y’all.  Monday I will email the winner.

    I’ll go first.

    My dad’s name is Ed, but anyone who really knows him calls him Shorty.  When I was growing up, the family across the street had a scruffy little dog named Shorty and sometimes that would get confusing when they opened the screen door and hollered for the dog to come home. Oh, and my dad makes the best boiled hotdog ever. I should know. He made me one for lunch every single day the year I went to kindergarten.  Every. Day.

    Happy Father’s Day everyone!

    * * * *

    Edited to add:  I am loving your comments y’all – it just blesses me to read this treasure trove of tiny stories. If you have a blog, or even if you don’t, I hope you will consider expanding your comment into an essay or short story for future generations.

    * * * *

    And the winner is….. Natalie!  Natalie, look for an email from me with further instructions on how to claim your fabulous prize!

    Computer 20, Antique Mommy 0

    October 1, 2007

    You know what? I don’t really like computers and they don’t really like me.  Truthfully, I have issues with anything that plugs in.   I seem to have some sort of magnetic field around me that destroys any electronic device within one mile.

    In August, my lap top died.  So we went out and bought another one and I was so happy.  I had dreams. Dreams of writing and computering and being productive.  But this new computer, it is a big piece of poo.  And frankly, I don’t know if it is IBM ThinkPad, Lenovo or Vista or me but all combined none of it works worth a flip.  This machine makes dial up look zippy.  I have had more problems with it than I could list here or that you probably want to hear about, although I’m really in the mood to whine right now.  All that to say, since we brought this new computer home, every ounce of creative mental energy I have has been spent cursing in my head — cursing IBM, Lenovo and Bill Gates. Sometimes I change up the order.

    So then.  In about five minutes this pile of plastic crud will be boxed up and returned from whence it came.  After that I’m not sure what I’m going to do, but I’ll think of something.

    In other news, I’m taking the Love and Logic parenting course and I gotta tell you, it’s working.  I wish I’d taken it several years ago.  Anyone else out there taken this course? If so, leave me a comment and tell me about your experience.