Parenting Gone Awry

It Doesn’t Get Much Better

Awhile back our church had a food drive of some sort and there were rows of filled grocery sacks lined up in the lobby.  As we walked past,  Sean noticed  that one of the sacks had a big bag of marshmallows on top.  “Oh Mom!” he exclaimed, “Do you think we could get some marshmallows some day?”  I told him I thought we might be able to swing that. * * * For his recent birthday,  he said he wanted a headset that had a mouthpiece so he could be an air traffic controller.  No problem. …

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Parenting Gone Awry, School

Birthday Party Theme: Obscure Minimalism

Last Saturday, Sean had his first ever birthday party beyond the standard cake and ice cream at home with family and friends. Last school year, we attended approximately 187 birthday parties thus making him fully aware that he was being rooked out of a party and that his mother was somewhat of a slacker in this regard.  So this year, we agreed to a class party. Earlier in the year, Sean attended a birthday party at a nearby gymnastics place and it worked out well, so I totally copied and rented the same facility.  Why re-invent the party…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Snack Mishap

Here’s one more thing I don’t get about parenting:  snacks. Apparently, if children are gathered, there must be snacks.  I had no idea about the snacks. The nurse didn’t mention this at the hospital when they handed Sean over. We are in our second season of baseball and last year I learned the hard way about the snacks when one of the moms asked who was bringing the snacks. “Snacks?” I blurted. “What do we need snacks for?” And everyone looked at me like I was Joan Crawford weilding a coat hanger. I just didn’t get…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Child Labor

So yes, since the economy has totally tanked, I thought it would be a good time to re-do my guest room.  We may be taking in boarders or relatives. You never know. Actually, I’ve been wanting to re-do my guest room for – let’s see, we’ve lived in this house for eight years – so that would be eight years that I’ve been wanting to re-do my guest room.  The good thing about procrastination is that by default you bypass a lot of really bad home decor trends, trends like the Northwoods plaid and cabbage roses,…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Standing On The Oven

One day, when Sean was somewhere beyond a year old but not yet two, I was walking by the oven and unexpectedly, he reached out and grabbed the handle to the oven door. He grabbed so tightly that it yanked me backwards and backed me up a few steps. And he wouldn’t let go. So being an irresponsible but fun-loving parent who often uses her child solely for her own amusement, I set his teeny tiny feet on the door of the lower oven and removed my hands from him (about an inch). He let out…

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Parenting Gone Awry, Silliness

Are The Cookies Done Yet?

I thought I’d show y’all this picture of Sean when he was about a year old so that you might realize that letting him ride his bike on the front lawn without a helmet is not even close to the most questionable of my parenting practices. And now you can say, “Well at least I never let my baby hang off the front of the oven!” and go away feeling better about your own parenting. I am here to serve. My gift to you. * * * * * Note: Creative cropping people, creative cropping. And,…

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Antique Crazy, Parenting Gone Awry

Chain Yankin’ Episode #7

One of the many many delicious things about having a four-year-old about the house is that you can really get away with yankin’ their little chain, because, you know, they are only four and they’ll believe almost anything you tell them. I know. I know. It really says something about you when you can trick a four-year-old. On the other hand, I once convinced my Cousin Cheryl that I had won a trip to Zimbabwe in a random drawing when I purchased some luggage at Foley’s. None of it was true – no luggage, no drawing,…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Blue Berries

Saturday morning, after breakfast, I scooped Sean out of the barstool he was sitting in at the breakfast bar and spirited him off to the kitchen counter to wipe blueberry goo from his face and hands and legs before he ran off to spread blueberry goo throughout the kingdom.  As I carried him around the breakfast bar, he clasped his sticky blue hands behind my neck and wrapped his long legs around my waist and tried to plant  bluberry kisses on my nose which I pretended to rebuff.  I looked into his blueberry blue eyes and thought about how I used to…

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Faith, Parenting Gone Awry, Snips And Snails

Strutting Away. Not In The Bible.

There’s a particular little boy that Sean plays with sometimes who I would describe as “all boy”.  He is a bit more rough and tumble than Sean and uses language that we don’t use  try not to use don’t approve of at our house.   Periodically, Sean will tell me he doesn’t like playing with Billy and then gives me an earful of what kinds of things this little guy says.  With great judgment and condemnation Sean reports that Billy calls him a poo poo head and says idiot and butt and that he doesn’t like that.…

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Parenting Gone Awry

The Self-Judgment Starts Around 8am

When I was growing up, my mother fixed my brothers and me a hot breakfast every day before school — usually an egg and toast, sometimes a bowl of oatmeal. Never cold cereal.   Breakfast bars hadn’t been invented yet.   My mother isn’t one to look down upon or feel superior to others, but she definitely frowned upon women who sent their kids to school on an empty stomach.  Still does.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Then happy hour.   Consequently, I am in the 50% of the population who likes to…

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