Mildly Amusing, Outsmarted, Parenting Gone Awry

If you give a boy a Goldfish

If you give a boy a Goldfish he will eat it. And then he will want another. And then another. And then he will want the whole bag. And if you give him the whole bag, he will want you to sit down on the kitchen floor and eat Goldfish with him. And if you sit down on the kitchen floor with him, he will want to feed you Goldfish. But who knows where those grimy little hands have been. You do. So then you will have to make an excuse to attend to an urgent…

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Makes Me Sigh, Parenting Gone Awry

Lessons in Parenting from the Zoo

Photos Temporarily Unavailable There’s one in every family. And apparently this is no less true for the animal kingdom. Earlier in the week, we took Sean to the zoo. Sean has been able to identify obscure zoo animals, like the “dik dik” since he was a year old — an obvious display of brilliance. He loves the zoo, so we bought memberships and go there often. And most of the time, the people gawking at the bored or sleeping animals are as interesting to watch as the bored or sleeping animals. But on this particular day,…

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GiGi and Poopah, Outsmarted, Parenting Gone Awry

Santa – What Not To Wear

Photo Temporarily Unavailable This past week, we took Sean to North Park Mall to have his picture taken with the North Park Santa, who is known far and wide in these parts as the best Santa around. And of course nothing but the best for my kid will do, so I took him to be traumatized by the best Santa in town. From what I could observe in the 30 hours I was in line — and I’m a quick study — is that tiny children do not want to sit in the lap of a…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Have a Kleenex June

Some reasons I make June Cleaver cry: – Sean and I eat banana popsicles for dessert. After breakfast. – Sometimes we leave Sunday school early to go to the playground. – We wear socks outside. In December. – I consider ice cream a calcium supplement. – Bribery is central to my parenting philosophy. – Eating vegetables is a lifestyle choice. – My floor is not clean enough to eat off of. – I sometimes end a sentence with a preposition. – Instead of the 5-second rule, we have the 5-minute rule. – I told Sean that…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Antique Scrooge

I have bought two books for my son for Christmas and that may be all he gets. I know what you’re thinking: First she leaves his monkey in Florida and now she’s going to Scrooge him on Christmas?! Yes I did and yes I am. I am officially opting out of the rampant materialism that is our zip code. It already looks like the Fisher Price factory exploded in our den and ten more large plastic things will not a merry Christmas make. After you factor in the grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends, the fact that…

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Antique Embarrassment, Outsmarted, Parenting Gone Awry

Motherhood 102– Exploring New Levels of Embarrassment

Sean is in his last semester of Water Babies swimming lessons where I have to accompany him in the pool. In January he will begin lessons where I get to sit fully clothed on the side of the pool along with the other fully clothed parents and cheer him on to swimming independently – that is if I can ever bring myself to show my face at the swimming school again after showing everything else last week. Unless you’ve participated in a Water Babies class, you may not really understand what’s involved. You see, there is…

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Parenting Gone Awry, Snips And Snails, Sometimes Sweet

It’s not the gift, but the balloon that counts.

Last year, when Sean turned one, I went all out and threw him a big party — or rather I threw a party for all those who had been with us through the pregnancy and that crazy first year. For that, those people deserve a party and a place in heaven. And is there any better way to show your appreciation than to serve cake with icing that turns your teeth blue? I think not. It’s kind of too bad that Sean won’t remember that on his first birthday the house was filled with people (with…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Great Expectations

When my doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, he handed me the book “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.” Written in a user-friendly Q&A format, it addressed a lot of issues that came up for me as a clue challenged first-time mother. I liked it so much, that I bought “What to Expect The First Year” and more recently “What to Expect the Toddler Years”. While these books are very helpful, the book that new mothers really need is “What You Won’t Expect (And Couldn’t Imagine Even with the Help of Psychotropic Drugs).” For example: I…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Tankini Moms and Towel Moms

Swimming is a very important skill for kids to learn. I feel so strongly that my son should learn to swim that I started him in a Water Babies class at the local swimming school when he was 14 months old, which was in January. That’s how much I love my son. So much so that I would actually put on a swimming suit and wear it to a public swimming pool. In January. But then there is no limit to my love for this boy. As with any baby activity, expensive special gear was required.…

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