School, Silliness

Enlightened

Sean’s kindergarten teacher called me on Sunday night to ask if I would be the art teacher this week at school.  I was thrilled when she asked because I have been chomping at the bit to use my hard earned, but mostly useless, degree in art. When I think of all the time, money and effort I invested in my degree, I remind myself that education is never a waste.  I tell myself that for me, education was about enlightenment more so than employment. Which is good, because that’s pretty much how it has worked out. …

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Silliness

Flaming Pineapples

Warning: The following post contains hyperbole and mockery.  No actual pineapples were harmed in the writing of this post.  This post is not intended to insult those who love flaming pineapples, coconut bras or themed parties. Although it probably will. * * * * It always starts out small.  It does.  “We’ll keep it simple,” they say. “Just getting together,” they say.  “It will be fun,” they say.  But at some point, there will be a flaming pineapple. Mark my words. A number of years ago, I was in a supper club with five or six…

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Always Real, Silliness

Half Price Books – Spa For the Cheap and Uptight

I hear a lot of women saying how they love to go to the spa. They love to get a massage and get their nails done, they love the soothing new age music and the aroma therapy.  It’s a treat to get away for a couple of hours and relax and recharge. I’ve been to the spa a couple of times and it was nice and all, but being a person who freaks out a little at the thought of being touched by a stranger, I’d rather go to Half Price books. This morning, I was…

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Silliness

Why I Don’t Buy Magazines

I do not buy fashion and/or celebrity magazines. I really kind of like looking at them to see what the R&F are wearing, but I never put one down that I feel better about myself having spent time looking at it.  And I say “looking at it” rather than “reading it” to be precise. I figure that there’s no need to cut down trees and pay good money to feel badly about myself when I do a great job of that all by myself for free without endangering any trees.  It’s a greener approach to feeling…

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Silliness, Southern Living

Fire Ants Are Of The Devil

God made all the animals. It says so right in the Bible. But I’m convinced that fire ants are of the devil. I say this because fire ants are so vile and so wretched and seem to be born to pour out misery upon humanity.  And also I say this because of the many similarities between fire ants and sin. And also because I thought it would make a clever little post. Now I did not grow up with fire ants. I grew up in the mid-west where the icy anesthesia of winter calls the earth…

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Always Real, Silliness, Snips And Snails

Blue Parachute Guy And The Fellowship Of All Believers

As we settled into our seats at church on Sunday morning, Sean opened his fist and proudly showed me a tiny blue guy wearing a parachute. “Dude, that is awesome!” I said. “Where did you get that?” He told me that he got it in Sunday school, that it was a reward for reciting his Bible verse with no help.  I told him I was proud and impressed and that I looked forward to playing with it WHEN WE GET HOME. I had a nightmarish vision of him throwing parachute guy into the air and it…

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Silliness

Simple and Old, Just Like My Car

Earlier in the month, we loaded up my car and drove to the Midwest to see my parents.  I love my car. It is 10 years old and it is paid for and I can eat all the French fries I want in my car. And I know what all the buttons do. My car, it is not complicated. It is old and simple,  much like myself. AD has a newer fancy car that I do not care for.  Besides the fact that it is some sort of inner sanctum where no French fry shall pass,…

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Always Real, School, Silliness

Goody Bags

I was chatting up some other moms on Twitter yesterday and it turns out that some of us — and not just crusty old me as I previously thought — do not like the whole culture of the goody bag that is prevalent among the preschool crowd these days. Yes, we are bitter. We did not get goody bags when we were growing up, so why should these little twerps? At Sean’s school, he gets a goody bag for every child’s birthday, every holiday, every minor occasion. At the end of the school year, he got…

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Antique Crazy, Silliness

Mourning The Mourning Dove

As quickly as she came into my life, she was gone. Yesterday morning, I checked on my sweet little dove.  She was sitting quietly in her nest in the Carolina jasmine, just the same as ever. Although she did not seem thrilled to see me, she did not glare at me either.  I suspect that is only because the dove lacks the ability to glare or cast disparaging looks. With no eyebrows, the dove is stuck with an all purpose blank expression, a lot like Jessica Simpson.  Otherwise, upon the sight of me, she probably would…

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Photography & Photoshop, Silliness

Margie

You know, the thing about having a camera is that sometimes the people you hang out with get tired of you pointing it at them.  It’s true. I was in Tuna this past weekend and the only one who wouldn’t run away from me was Margie.  So now, Margie is my muse. I present to you, the lovely and mesmerizing – Margie! Pensive Margie Come Hither Margie Contemplative Margie Serene  Margie Meditative Margie.  Or, Margie Nods Off.  Shortly thereafter, Margie got up and wandered off. Oh hey! My old muse! Yo! Dude! Muse! Come back! Where…

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