Mildly Amusing, Sometimes Tart, Use Your Words

Spelling Is Impotant

Anybody Googling for anything antique, usually end up here at Antique Mommy sooner or later — undoubtedly disappointed to find the only antique around here is me. Today, however, Mr. Google dispatched someone searching for antique coffee urine. There’s plenty of that around here of a morning. I just didn’t know there was a market for it.

Parenting Gone Awry, Use Your Words

Brought To You By The Letter “N”

(Scene: Morning. House of Antique. Sean and the crazy lady.) Sean: (pulling a hand from behind his back) Mommy! My fingers are stee-eee. AM: (freaking out) Your fingers are stinky?! What did you touch?! Did you touch poo poo? Because poo poo is bad! Very! Bad! You never, and I mean NEVER EVER touch poo poo. Do you hear me? Come here right now, we need to Clorox scrub your hands. Sean looks at Antique Mommy and in an act of toddler defiance, grins wickedly and moves his spread out fingers towards his mouth. AM: Sean!…

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Hospitality & Manners, Use Your Words

Magic Words

Manners are a big thing at the House of Antique. I happen to think that good manners and a well written thank you note can take you a long way in life. Consequently, I have made a considerable effort toward teaching Sean the basics and he is pretty good about saying “please” and “thank you”. Just this morning as I handed him his sippy cup of milk he said, “Thank ya’ Mommy” like a little cowboy and my heart swelled with pride. And then I pulled his tiny index finger out of his nose and he…

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Use Your Words

I’m Sure He Meant That In The Nicest Way

This morning, as I was getting Sean out of his pj’s and into appropriate mud pie making attire, there was this exchange: Antique Mommy:  Sean, you’ve got a suntan!  You’re as brown as a berry!” Sean:  Eat me! It won’t be long before that won’t be funny.

Use Your Words

You Wipe Up My Life

This morning Sean once again said, “I do see chicken wipes.” So again, I just had to ask him, “Did you say chicken wipes? What does that mean, chicken wipes?” And he looked at me like “Not again with the chicken wipes woman!” If he knew how to roll his eyes, he would have. And then out of the blue, it came to me. It was a moment of supernatural clarity, similar to those I occasionally had when I was in school and taking an exam. The answer to a question that I absolutely did not…

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Outsmarted, Use Your Words

The Thread That Leads To The Pit

The inner-workings of Sean’s marvelously complex mind is a fascinating, albeit mysterious, thing to me. The connecting thread of thoughts and events and ideas that occupy his thirsty brain is long and thin and sticky like that of a spider. It collects everything and forgets nothing. Lately, he expresses thoughts that seem to come from nowhere. Or at least nowhere we’ve been recently. And in true toddler fashion, it is imperative to him that these thoughts be expressed clearly and vociferously and repeatedly at the most unlikely of times. Recently without cause, provocation or prompt he…

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Use Your Words

There’s A Chicken In Your Kitchen

After my recent “chicken wipes” post several people emailed me to say that after discussing it with the experts (their children) they concluded that Sean might be trying to say kitchen rather than chicken. And I think they might be on to something. Sean has the Little Peoples Noah’s Ark set and “Mrs. Noah” as we call her, is carrying a basket or a pie or something — and he calls it a “kitchen pot pie.” It reminded me that confusing kitchen and chicken is not uncommon for people new to the English language and not…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

The Big Party

Last weekend, we were invited to a birthday party in the neighborhood. Our neighbor’s oldest little girl was turning six and her parents went all out and threw a fabulous party for her. It was a western themed event and they served up hot dogs for the kids and brisket for the adults. They had cowboy hats and bandanas for the kids to wear. They brought in a petting zoo, had pony rides and a bounce house. They also have the Mercedes model of those big wooden combination fort/slide/rock climbing wall/swing sets in their backyard that…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

The Chicken Wipes Mystery

Sean’s language skills are progressing rapidly. Even just four months ago, on his second birthday, he was only saying only a few words and phrases that we understood. The first phrase that he used that we understood was “I need that.” That phrase we understood because he said that about everything he saw about 1,000 times a day. Apparently, two-year-olds need a lot of stuff. However… there is a particular phrase that he uses and I still have no idea what it means, and it is this: “I do see chicken wipes.” Chicken wipes? One thing…

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Hospitality & Manners, Use Your Words

Wise Guy

Sean: Mommy! Get me milk! AM: Get me milk? That’s not how you ask. How about “Get me milk pleeeease” maybe? Sean: Mommy get me milk pleeeease maybe!