Sometimes Tart, Thank You Notes

Generation Baby Gap or Baby Gap Generation

I went to a baby shower recently for the daughter of a friend of mine. My friend, The Grandmother, is anxiously awaiting her first grandchild. A multi-generational collection of women had gathered to shower the mother-to-be with mostly useless, but cute, teeny tiny baby thingees. At the unveiling of each precious little thing, everyone in the room would coo in unison, “Oooooh!” followed by chorus round of, “Isn’t that just adorable? That is just adorable! That is entirely too cute! Let me see that! Pass it around!” As I sat there ooooh-ing and cooing and munching…

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Mildly Amusing, Use Your Words

Baby To English Translation

I came home from the hospital with my baby having read that I would instinctively know what was wrong with him by the sound of his cry. I, for one, did not believe this. I had heard babies crying before and to me it sounded like someone cleaning a chalkboard with a wire grill brush. Never once have I ever heard a baby crying that I said: “What I think I hear you saying is that you’d like to have your diaper changed.” What I have said is, “Please, someone make that noise stop!” I am…

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Antique Crazy, Wal-Mart

Advanced Grocery Shopping

The earth is inhabited by two kinds of people: Those who love to go to the grocery store and then the other 98% of the population — those who have a life. Until my son came along, I was among the 2% who rank a trip to the grocery store right up there with a day at Six Flags. Lately, however, going to the store is more like going to a friend’s Tupperware party — you are obligated to go, you’re looking for the cheapest thing to buy and you hope you don’t have to go…

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Outsmarted, Wivian

A Week at Grandma’s

Last week, we took our little boy on his first airplane ride to see Grandma and Grandpa. My parents are in their early 70s and in good health, but you don’t need a calculator to see that time is a precious and limited commodity for Sean in this regard. My hope was that in spending some lazy summer days with Grandma and Grandpa this past week, that he might plant some sweet and cherished memories that would last him a lifetime. What I didn’t anticipate was that it might take a lifetime to undo a week…

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Crow Casserole

Never Say Never

Prior to Sean’s arrival, I had some pretty lofty ideals about child-rearing. And since I had no children, I had a special license to make all kinds of proclamations about what I would and would “never” do if I had them. That license has since been revoked and I’ve had to relax a few of those ideals to accommodate my new reality. And eat a few words. Okay, a lot of words. And apologize to a few people. Okay, a lot of people. For example: Before Sean: “I will never take my kid to McDonald’s.” After…

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Parenting Gone Awry

Tankini Moms and Towel Moms

Swimming is a very important skill for kids to learn. I feel so strongly that my son should learn to swim that I started him in a Water Babies class at the local swimming school when he was 14 months old, which was in January. That’s how much I love my son. So much so that I would actually put on a swimming suit and wear it to a public swimming pool. In January. But then there is no limit to my love for this boy. As with any baby activity, expensive special gear was required.…

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Always Real

How I Became an Antique Mommy

I once saw a cross-stitched pillow in a craft booth kind of store that read “Grandma’s Are Just Antique Mommys”. I am not a grandma. I am a 47-year-old mother of a 3-year-old.  I am an antique mommy. Some of my friends who are also not 25 and have toddlers are bothered by my use of the word “antique”. I don’t find “older mother” to be any more flattering. How about “senior” or “mature” mother? Maybe youth challenged? I am what I am and I am not a young mother. I went through my 20s and…

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